The Escapades of Neria & Co
by BullettProoff
Summary: Let's face it, Neria is dimwitted and well, it's difficult to deal with. A series of oneshots involving a very stupid Elven Magi.
1. Oblivious Neria

**Not really sure what this is, just bored so I decided I'd write some little stupid shorts :)!**

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The sky was bright pink, and the sun that slowly raised over-head radiated light; giving the members of the party hope for a promising day. Neria quickly packed her things, eager to be off to Frostback Mountains. She'd recruited the Elves, Templars, and saved the Arl of Redcliffe from his comatose. She'd been hasty to dash off to the Dwarves since the very first time Alistair mentioned their name – you might ask why? _Well,_ you see, it just so happens Neria has interest in the Lyrium in the stone; just like any other…Ordinary…Non-evil mage. **Besides that,** she was just in a hurry to see some foreign land. Afterall, they had been at camp for quite some time thinking over the Dark Spawn attacks…Their camp turned out to be no longer safe.

Neria quickly shoved weapons, extra armor, and provisions into the pack she seemed to always tote around on her back. After waking the rest of the lazy sods up she decided some breakfast would be in order – and her faithful dog, Moony, had secured a rather conveniently large hare that morning. So she set about seasoning the rabbit and such, pleased with her handiwork by the time Wynne, Zevran, and Alistair got their bums ready and prepared.

"I made breakfast!" She declared, brightly holding up the stick which impaled the hare. The group stared at her, Alistair mumbling something incoherent under her breath. Instantly irritated by their lack of gratitude, her gaze turned dark and she placed her hands on her hips.

"I make breakfast and you all are _totally _ungrateful, that I, your leader, who takes _so_ much time out of her day to get you lazy sods moving, feed and clothe you. I don't even get a thank you for cooking you this delicious rabbit!?" She sniffed, batting her eyes at Alistair – who quite obviously had a thing for the Magi.

"What about you, Ali, are you glad I cooked?" She made the most innocent, big-eyed look the Templar had ever seen, and he slowly wiped his palm a crossed his face.

"Neria, that's not a rabbit." Alistair sighed.

"Yes, it is!" She whined, stomping her feet as she shoved the roasted meat in his face.

"Seriously, it's not a rabbit."

"Stop trying to fool me! Not like last time!"

"Uh, what do you mean 'last time'?"

"When you said you slept with Morrigan to save my life, I mean, _please_ like she would sleep with you!" Neria said, sticking her tongue out at Alistair who merely stood in disbelief. Unfortunately, with the Magi's dimwits it was quite simple that this happened daily, she also considered the Templar to be her 'betrothed'. That's why no one let their leader find out about Zevran and Alistair, she would be absolutely beside herself – and well, she was already hard to deal with, imagine what THAT would do!

"Child, that's a Bandit Head, _clearly _not a rabbit." Wynne said, crossing her arms over her chest. Neria took a moment to examine the piece of meat…It **had** looked like a hare at first…But now she saw the eye sockets, nose, and mouth showing up.

"Oh, right…"

A brief moment of silence ensued, while the party awkwardly glanced around.

"Who wants some?" Neria said, cheerfully dancing around with the impaled stick.


	2. Misplaced Her Mind

**Just a little short I cooked up out of boredom this morning, thought I'd let Mindless Neria have a little fun with Ali :)**

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Neria rolled over and cuddled up to Alistair, she'd finally convinced him to spend the night with herin the tent...And it was damn nice.  
She slowly opened her eyes, waking in the middle of the night, she stared up at the star-speckled sky. "Ooh! Ali! Wake up, it's so pretty." She said, quickly shaking the Templar awake beside her.

"What in the...grumblegrumble...do you...grumble." He groaned, sitting up straight and looking at the sky...Something was off,  
but he might as well enjoy the moment with the dimwitted Maji...He'd finally felt himself coming around to be with her, maybe Ferelden would see their King take an Elf to be his bride...And queen? Afterall, usually queens didn't have to be all too bright to get by, so it just might work.  
Though, taking the Elf to bed had meant he'd lost his relationship with Zevran...But the Antivan Rogue had been wanting to experiment with some very odd ideas and well...Alistair decided it was time for THAT to end. So instead he'd swung over to the female side.  
And for a Magi who'd spent her life in a tower...She sure was somethin' in bed, or rather, the tent. Then it finally dawned on Alistair what exactly was wrong...He was looking up at a star-filled sky, laying next to a beautiful Elf he'd spent the night with.

Sky.

Stars.

Uh.

What.

"Neria..." Alistair growled, turning over to face the black-haired Mage.

"Yes, love?" She said, batting her eyelashes...Alistair groaned, wiping his hand a crossed his face...Again.

"Where's the ceiling the tent?" He asked, bemusedly looking at her as she began to ponder...Her face turning into the expression of puzzled.

"I...Uh...Must have misplaced it?" She squeaked, innocently standing up and looking around.

"Young lady! Put some clothes on!" Wynne snapped, seeing the naked Neria stand up from the ceiling-less tent.

"But I have to find the top of my tent! I've misplaced it!" She cried, beginning to run around the campsite looking under inconspicuous places.

Wynne looked over at Alistair, raising an eyebrow then indicating the confused Elf.

"So...She's to be our new Queen?" The old mage asked, sighing as Alisair slowly nodded.

Ferelden would be saved, yes, but the to-be Queen's mind? Probably never.


End file.
